You didn’t think I would leave without saying #goodbye did you? After all of the time that the #hashheads gave to this blog, I could not dream of leaving things undone. Allow this episode to stand as a series finale of sorts; not like a “House M.D.” or “Seinfeld” series finale, more like a “Harry’s Law” or “Kings” series finale (I mean #Hashtagfairytales is #epic, but it isn’t #EPIC). So my friends, allow me to make a declaration of sorts: When in the course of online events, it becomes necessary for a person to dissolve the creative bands that have connected them to a website. A decent respect to the opinions of any fans or readers that the site has gained requires that they should declare the causes which compel them to this separation.
I hold this truth to be self evident: #Hashtagfairytales has been a hell of a good time for me! I hope that it has been for you as well. But it has run its course. It is time to move on. Does that mean that the domain is leaving? No. http://hashtagfairytales.com will remain alive and well (#cheapplug). This site will remain as I am very proud of the ride that we had. The guest posts, the fun comments, the responses to the #PolloftheWeek; I would be amiss to forsake them. I will leave them to memorialize the joy, the intellect, and the suffering that was had in these pages. #Hashtagfairytales has had the opportunity to react to a few timeless or historic events.
The inception being in the wake of the death of Osama bin Laden, #HTFT has had the solemn duty of reacting to events like the passing of several individuals (Randy Savage, Whitney Huston, and Dick Clark to name a few), and tragedies such as the Norway shooting, but it has also had the pleasure of celebrating holidays (Thanksgiving [#gracias], Christmas [#istayinnarnia] and of course the premier of @CutDownPodcast), and introducing items of pop culture (#obscurereference). We experienced together the rise and fall of #TheAdministration (let me save you some time, it was a sham like Mili Vanilli’s singing voice; it was as fake as the Easter bunny or Iowa). I guess the #bottomline is: I’ve had a good time.
You might ask: Ok then, Why? Why is this #goodbye? Why not #seeyalater? Because my friends, it is time. Everything has it’s time and everything must die. This project that is #Hashtagfairytales has run its course; it lasted longer than a Kardashian marriage (I’m looking at you Kim), but not quite as long as a Kardashian marriage (Kudos to you Khloé). Does that mean that the #hashtag is dead? No, it is still alive, although if it doesn’t watch it’s back the meme will soon take over. I simply mean that this project, this platform, this blog is done. The purpose of this whole thing was to give me a platform. Once again, it is no secret that my goal, my dream, my “rock star job” would be to be an announcer for the WWE, but I ask you, is #Hashtagfairytales going to get me there? It is tough to come to the conclusion that it isn’t. Did it even extend my name further than my existing circles? It is difficult to face the fact that it hardly did.
One of the hardest things for a man to do is admit that he is wrong, so I face that difficulty and publish it online.
I was wrong.
Drink that in, everyone with whom I have ever had a conversation; it may not happen again.
I was wrong.
Dang, I was wrong, it DID happen again…
But you get the point. The internet is full of people projecting themselves and creating platforms, how many of them will admit they are wrong? How many will admit that they are barking up the wrong tree?
Let me clarify, I do not regret #HTFT, I simply recognize it as a project that didn’t accomplish my goal. But believe it was a great time and I had so much fun writing it. I cherish each of the readers I have had. Each reader who took their time to invest in me has a special place in my heart. I don’t just say that, I mean it. On top of that, #HTFT truly honed my skill of creative writing. Through this blog I have been able to find my writing voice, but by and large this project is in fact done.
Allow me to quote an author for whom I have the utmost respect, Jesse Rice, author of “The Church of Facebook.” In his last blog for THE CHURCH OF FACEBOOK (I’m not yelling, he just likes all caps), he said this:
“Sometimes you just need to admit you’ve failed and start over. I pretty much failed as The Church of Facebook blogger and that’s okay. I have other gifts. Namely, house plant maintenance. I was inconsistent, my branding was all over the place (as were my topics), and did not have any clear goals in mind. I sincerely apologize to my faithful subscribers who took a chance pressing the ‘submit’ button and didn’t get much in return. But admitting failure clears the road for a new beginning.”
I cannot say that I am gifted in the art of ensuring the survival and prosperity for the common ficus as Mr. Rice may well be, but I can say that I agree with his statement. I must admit #hashheads, #HTFT was all over the place, in a bit of a quirky way, but a blog needs direct guidance. Upon his first visit to this blog, Graphic designer Nate Davis said this to me, “So. When you said ‘hashtagfairytales,’ I thought you were either going to make up stories in 140 characters, or based on hashtags that you noticed on Twitter.” That would have been a good call Mr. D, but that #Hashtagfairytales was not. But rest assured that Jacob C. Howard is not gone, you will see him again in an online capacity (possibly sooner than you think).
#Hashtagfairytales is and was a medium of entertainment. It may not be streamlined or organized in such a way as to amplify my name, but if this blog has entertained and/or taught any one person. I say, #missionaccomplished. Thank you to everyone who has dropped by. I appreciate it. I will miss #Hashtagfairytales, but I bid you all adieu, and I say with all love and respect possible; with a heart of joy for time well spent: #goodbye.
(“Insert smart ass author comment here”)
I don’t normally do this, but in light of the Birthday of #Hashtagfairytales, I thought I could take this week as an opportunity to do something different. #Hashtagfairytales—like most other blogs—is about one thing: the self-aggrandization of the author. That is what this blog has been about. Me. An opportunity for me to showcase me and my thoughts; #hashheads will know, that this was never the goal, but that is nevertheless what it is.
There comes a time in everyone’s life where they must take a step back and look at who they are. You all must do it, you must #assessyourself. This is my time. I love to entertain and have been attempting to do so on this blog for one year. Am I saying that this is it? No, but it is definitely time for a re-assessment of #Hashtagfairytales, its purpose and its function.
No, frills, no thrills. Friends, it is time to take a look around and see what it is about #HTFT that is successful, and see what is simply not entertaining and then I must cut the fat. I don’t know what this means, but I cannot leave you out of the process. Over the next few weeks, I will be taking the time to reassess this blog. I don’t know what I will learn, but I’m kind of worried and excited.
This is about #Hashtagfairytales, because it shouldn’t be about me.
(I the spirit of it not being about me: Congratulations to the graduates of Patten University Class of 2012. #youdidit)
What is 3.29.12? Well it’s my grandfathers 88th birthday (#happyburfday). But more so, that’s right #hashheads, you guessed it: a very special Thursday edition of #Hashtagfairytales. Maybe you all were especially good this week, or maybe the stars have aligned just right. Two days of back to back #HTFT? Sounds like heaven to me! Either way, I am here and I am here to address a question I have been asked recently: “Who is #TheAdministration?” Very good question. With my recent suspension but speculation has been looming. Many of you have made the observation, “But Jacob, I thought YOU were the administration of #Hashtagfairytales; you’re the creator right?” Very good analysis. But it isn’t quite the whole truth.
#TheAdministration is an unstoppable force. #TheAdministration is more than I am myself. I am a simple writer—or rather a Record-Keeping and Reporting Specialist (#RKRS) masquerading as a writer—and while I am the creative force behind #HTFT, #TheAdministration is much bigger than that. #TheAdministration is desire; they want more viewers and will stop at nothing to get them. #TheAdministration knew that upon first appearance traffic would take an upswing and indeed it did, when they emerged from the proverbial shadows and usurped my position—the position I created—the position as the head of this blog, as its mouthpiece, I knew nothing would be the same again. #TheAdministration is within. It is within you and within me.
All I do on this blog, is win! But besides that –I write non-fiction. I am a non-fiction writer—or once again a #RKRS pretending to be one. But at times the monotony of real life is a little too much so I thought that I would for once turn it over to another body. I relinquished my Administrative rights to a fictional body, a body with decision-making power over #Hashtagfairytales. But how then could I be at odds with that body? It only made sense for the two of us—the “us vs. them”—to butt heads. I am the creator of #HTFT; I am an immovable object. What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Tension; tension that did not previously exist here within these pages. #TheAdministration is tension.
Tension = Entertainment. That my friends is all that this blog is, and that’s all I want it to be. This blog is for you. I am glad to provide some information to you, and my ideas (I think) are worth 15 of your minutes. You and stop by and engage. You can come through and learn. You can look on and grow yourself. But if you come here and find no entertainment my job is undone. I cannot sell this blog; it has not monetary value. With #Hashtagfairytales and 50 cent I could make a phone call…or a rap album, depending on which 50 cent I have. That is not to devalue this blog, but to acknowledge the fact that it’s value is placed elsewhere. (ALERT: Please do not read the next sentence if you are lactose intolerant) The value of this blog is found in you (#cheesy). The value of this blog is in its entertainment and its interest.
I employed #TheAdministration to do a job. As long as they continue to perform, they will keep their job. #TheAdministration is my boss and they do control the content of #Hashtagfairytales. So I say it clearly, and I say it plainly to every #hashhead who is able to see, hear, or comprehend these words: As for #TheAdministration, it is within you. You are #TheAdministration.
(Did #TheAdministration do their job? What do you think?)
The Administration has charged one of its own once again with the task of writing this week’s episode of #Hashtagfairytales. I am the head comedy contributor for #HTFT and am responsible for many of the jokes that you see here from week to week. To be honest with you, though I am the head writer for comedy, I am not one of many words. That creative fella from last week is big on elegant words (not so much on humor), and Jacob C. Howard will often make my jokes into long drawn out stories (which often flop), but I’m more of a one-liner type of guy.
For this reason, I have been #trolling the internet to find material from which to build quality comedy just for you #hashheads since the beginning of #Hashtagfairytales. I will be using this skill to build for you a #topten list; not a Jacob C. Howard Tor Ten List that has a paragraph of explanation for each item, but a real #topten list. This week: #Britannica!
So here we go, the top ten responses to Encyclopedia Britannica ending the print editions!
10. “They are giving up? Now THAT I can relate to!” –Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin
9. “I didn’t even catch their 2 hour press conference.” –Lebron James
8. “Good. Britannica was the Goldman Sachs of Encyclopedias!” –Greg Smith
7. “They’re probably going to re-release print editions as the ‘Lin-cyclopedia Britannica!’” –Jeremy Lin
6. “What will I read for bedtime now?” –Congressman Ron Paul
5. “Oh, so it was like Google but in book form?” –Justin Beiber
4. “Guess all 3 of the people who still used them are on their way here now.” –Wikipedia
3. “That’s hot.” –Paris Hilton
2. “F***in’ Paris Hilton! That’s what’s wrong with today’s culture!” –Jon Hamm
1. “If Snooki is in the business of writing books, then we want out!” –Encyclopedia Britannica
Thank you Encyclopedia Britannica, you will be missed!
(Top Ten and no chasers! No Frills, just thrills! Sorry Jacob C. Howard, I’d say The Administration wins this round. Wouldn’t you?)
As head of the creative direction and a representative of The Administration of #Hashtagfairytales, I have the pleasure of saying this on behalf of The Administration: #Hashtagfairytales is in the place, and of the quality that it should be “Freshly Pressed” by the blogging site WordPress. Jacob C. Howard has been at the helm of the proverbial #HTFT ship to this point but has recently been suspended for grammatical misconduct; I say with or without him you as the reader are in a good place and #Hashtagfairytales is not going anywhere. Generally speaking we The Administration are in full support of Mr. Howard but some things must be acted upon. In his absence it seems best to us to deliver to the public—the #hashheads as you have been called—an address to clearly divulge the direction of #Hashtagfairytales. So without adieu, I give you the #stateofthehashtag.
Why is this blog here? The mission thereof is as follows: “…To consistently provide honest (often humorous; sometimes risky) high quality episodes with respect, love, sensitivity, and appreciation for the issues and most importantly the readers who choose to invest in the blog via their time; #HTFT belongs to them.” This mission is stated on the #AboutHashtagfairytales page. This blog is here to provide quality humorous content to people who may be looking for it. We are into being funny. Even in serious episodes, we are committed to humor. For instance: Why are there gates around cemeteries? You give up? Because people are dying to get in. Funny right? I also know a naughty limerick or two.
The heart of this blog is Jacob C. Howard; let us not villianize him. While planning this blog Jacob wanted to provide ten things. Each episode, guest post, #HTFTS, #PolloftheWeek, tweet, and status update posted on behalf of #Hashtagfairytales is crafted with these ten things in mind: consistency, quality, humor, investor (reader) appreciation, respect, honesty, sensitivity, humor, love, and risk. With each post Jacob—along with The Administration—continuously question how each piece of content delivers all ten of these things. Often, we knock it out of the park like the 2010 San Francisco Giants, other times, we hit a foul ball like the Oakland A’s (#ihellaloveoakland). There are days that #HTFT gets 60+ views, others that it gets 2, more where it gets 14, and a handful that it gets 0. These days contribute to the artistic direction equally. Because of the days that there are zero views each single view matters so very much. They matter to Jacob C. Howard and they matter to The Administration.
I said that the heart of this blog is Jacob C. Howard, but I also say that this blog is the heart of Jacob C. Howard. Do you want to know the thing that really gets Jacob’s blood flowing, the thing that gets him up in the morning, the very thing that pushes him to write? It is his cardio-pulmonary system and taking care of it is important…but also he really likes to write this blog. The creative direction is important and it may sustain a few changes in the coming months, but my friends, it will endure. Let this stand as an announcement directly from The Administration of #Hashtagfairytales: WordPress, you are being placed on notice; this blog is sustainable and it has a heart that will not quit. The #stateofthehashtag is strong, it is faithful, and it is unshakable.
God bless this blog, and God bless every nation on His green earth!
(I understand it is the custom to write an “afterglow” comment or question of sorts: Do you support The Administration of #Hashtagfairytales?)