As you can see at first glance, this episode clearly could qualify as an #HTFTS. It is not. This is a guest episode. Who is it written by? You. The #hashheads have this one. What is your topic? #Hashtagfairytales…or whatever the hell you want (#excusemyfrench). Friends, I want you to tell me what to do now? As I’ve always said, I write to entertain you, I want to know what you want, but moreso I want to know what’s on your mind.
So, in the comment section tell me: #whatnext? Should I go fiction? Theology? Sports Entertainment? YouTube? Should I just focus on the already existing Cut Down Podcast (posted every Friday [#shamelessplug] available on iTunes)? What should I do? The internet is your oyster! Or just type “Wuss up.” Tell me what you’re thinking. This is an opinion piece…only the opinion isn’t mine. Because to all my readers, #thisonesforyou!
(I want you entertained. What do you want to see? And what do you want to talk about?)
I feel like I am really close to you all. Like the #hashheads aren’t just readers of #Hashtagfairytales, but people with whom I can share deep truths, items, and activities from my personal life. Almost right off the bat, I shared that my mom’s official first hashtag was “#goodstuffkittenkisses;” back in September I revealed my ultimate dream of wanting to call play-by-play for WWE; Last week I told you that I #failalot; and on a regular basis I invite one lucky reader to shower with me. Ok, so that last one isn’t 100% true…or even 10% true, but the point remains. So allow me to share with you all that it is #thattimeofthemonth for me right now. That’s right I said it. It is indeed #thattimeofthemonth, and to be honest, this time of the month makes me a little tired. I mean, why wouldn’t it? Taking all of the events in a month and making them into one tweet; it’s a lot of work. What? You didn’t think I was talking about menstruation did you?! That’s gross, plus, I’m a boy! No, I mean the #TweetoftheMonth! Duh!
#crystalclear- This past Sunday Billy Crystal proved that funny has no age requirement. Crystal hosted the 84th Annual Academy Award Ceremony and was pitch perfect in the delivery of all of his punch-lines. Crystal has been in the comedy game for nearly 40 years and was even a member of the SNL cast for the 10th season; he hasn’t missed a beat. I don’t mean to be naïve, I know he has writers and likely didn’t write any of the jokes, but delivery is up to him, facial expression is up to him and he killed it! Even some of the lame one liners—when followed by a cheeky, “I know it was dumb, but I said it anyway” grin that only Billy Crystal could do—hit it big! At this year’s #Oscars, we confirmed it: Crystal is a mensch (#yiddish) who we could all do some good to learn from. And for those of you who don’t speak Yiddish allow me to say to you: meh.
#cutdown- This month marked the official release of “Cut Down with Sickboy and JC” which can be downloaded from http://cutdownpodcast.com and is both “Like-able” on Facebook and available on iTunes. #shamelessplug
#heysoulsister- That hashtag is honoring the lives of three people who we lost during the month of February; let’s break it down. “Hey” as in “Hey hey we’re the Monkees!” This month we lost a man who was bigger than the Beatles…at least he wanted to be; a man who took Marcia Brady to her prom; a man who presides over all of the evil spirits of the seven seas. This man is Davy Jones of the Monkees (maybe the last fact was about a different Davy Jones), and he was a great entertainer; he will be missed. “Soul” as in “The Soooooooooooul Train!” We also said goodbye to Producer, broadcaster, host, and snazzy dresser Don Cornelius: creator of the TV show Soul Train. As an aspiring broadcaster, Cornelius’ life means a lot in my eyes; I’ll be sure to draw inspiration…unless I’m playing Pictionary, then I would never want to have to draw “inspiration.” (#difficult) Lastly, “Sister” as in “music’s fallen sister,” the preachers wife, a woman in need of a body guard whom she will “always love:” Ms. Whitney Houston. Troubled by a battle with addiction Houston often had embarrassing and darker moments, but allow us to honor her for her God-given gifts, talents, and accomplishments. Plus without her who would have come up with the phrase “Crack is whack?”
#NFhelL- I rooted for the New England Patriots to win the Super Bowl against the New York Giants. They didn’t. #bitter
#cabLinfever- I’m a tiny Lin-tle bit upset over this whole Lin-phomaniac Jeremy explos-Lin! Jeremy Lin, the Asian-American point guard for the New York Knicks and he is doing pretty well at his craft to put it lightly. Allow me to express what upsets me about this. No, it has nothing to do with the “Chink in the armor” headline by ESPN. I am from Oakland. We have locally three professional sports teams representing the big three major (American) sports: Baseball (The Althetics), Football (The Raiders) and Basketball (The Golden State Warriors). Mr. Lin-tastic used to be a player for the Warriors at which time he had the distinct notoriety for having accomplished…nothing. But I suppose I cannot be too upset: not unlike #TimTebow (#TebowTime again?), Jeremy is a proud Christian. So I can only assume one of two things: During the 2010-2011 season was a blaspheming Lin-ner (read sinner…as opposed to dinner), or that God was too busy watching the 2 hour Lebron Press conference to answer Jeremy’s prayers.
“February 2012: RIP Whitney, Don Cornelius, & Davy Jones; Welcome Linatics; introducing @CutDownPodcast; Giants take bowl!”
(Let’s hear some other good wordplay using Jeremy as an inspiriati-Lin!)
Do you follow me on the Twitters? If you don’t, you should @JacobCHoward (#shamelessplug). On the Twitters and the Feisbuk (#foreignfriendly), I made an exciting announcement earlier this week. The announcement was: I will make an exciting announcement later this week. This, my friends, is that announcement. Today is the day! I have hinted toward it, I have written encrypted messages even the #PolloftheWeek had a hidden message (#notsohidden)! Today is the release of “Cut Down with Sickboy and JC.”
Cut Down is a Podcast; this much is certain. Sickboy and JC are the egos of two men who cannot stand being wrong. Sometimes we’ll be fun. Sometimes we’ll be thought provoking. You might agree with one of us. You might have a crush on the other. Some references might go over your head. Some episodes might blow your mind. You will likely shake your head. You will laugh. You will be entertained in two minutes or less. The Bottom line is this: sometimes its deep, sometimes it’s absurd but it’s always crazy; it’s just two masters of mayhem shooting the breeze.
@SickboyMcCoy describes the podcast as “the love child of Mitch Hedberg and C.S. Lewis.” I agree. Today is the release of the pilot episode of #cutdown and I could not be more excited…well I suppose I could be, but unless you have $17 billion to spare the statement stands. Basically, #cutdown is what would happen if the Blues Brothers were jerks. The Pilot episode of #cutdown is likely the only place you will get saucy interns, Calvin & Hobbes, a high-tech studio, Johnny Cash, Adam West, and general smartassery. Here’s what the critics are saying about “Cut Down with Sickboy and JC:”
“Sickboy and JC are the reason I got into the business! Thank you for the inspiration!” –Edward R. Murrow
“Our famous ‘Who’s on First’ sketch was lifted almost directly from an unaired episode of this 2012 podcast. So glad to see Sickboy and JC again.” –Abbott…or Costello…whichever was the short fat one
“I don’t get it.” –Kim Kardashian
“I would have them on my famous FDR Fireside chat if not for my distinct disability…you know, being dead.” President Franklin Delano Roosevelt
“If I were to rate this show on a scale of one to one-thousand, I would give it a solid 9-9-9!” –Herman Cain
“This show is the reason I created electricity!” –Thomas Edison
“I love these guys!” –Jesus
This is real life #hashheads! It’s 2012, I can’t just make up quotes and put them where I like. These people must have really said these things about #cutdown. I mean, this is the internet, there is integrity here. The internet is the same place Perez Hilton found fame and Paris Hilton found infamy. It is the place where you can watch a flash mob of “It’s rainin’ men” and where people went wild over Chocolate Rain! The internet has prestige, you can’t just post anything here; that’d ruin the integrity that the great creator Al Gore meant for it!
But I digress. If half of those people were alive, they would have said those things. I am excited for #cutdown; almost as excited as I was to try the new Girl Scout cookie flavor: “Savannah Smiles.” Almost as excited as the Asian-American Community at large was to see Jeremy Lin succeed or the Atheist-American Community was to see Tim Tebow fail.
Listen to “Cut Down with Sickboy and JC.” Released every Saturday and available now on iTunes.
Mad shout out and props to Natalie Stroble Design Solutions for the logo; Cut Down would not be the same without all of Natalie’s hard work.
(This has been #cutdown; for Sickboy, I am JC and that just happened.)